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When I was a young, I was certain of how my life would turn out. Have a serious boyfriend in high school. Move in together after graduation. Get engaged sometime in college. Be married by 21 and start a family at 23.

Young Me

 Well…. A few of my plans actually did happen. I had that serious boyfriend, moved to San Diego together and even got engaged. I also dropped out of college and became a sad miserable person. Thankfully that ended at the age of 22.
 I spent the next few years “maturing” before my next serious relationship. I again jumped into moving in with this boyfriend. This time it was began strictly for financial reasons and then turned into a loooooong ass roommate situation that lasted about 4 years too long. That ended at 28. After that relationship I really did mature. I didn’t date. I began to live for me. Not in a self centered type of way, but I really started to focus on what my life goals were. I always knew I wanted to be a better Christian, get in shape, be financially responsible, buy a house, find the right man and start that family I planned for at 21,but this time as a person I would be proud to be. Don’t get me wrong I was never a “bad” person. I’ve always known right from wrong. I was just so unsure of myself and had a low self worth. I can’t really pinpoint exactly when the switch was turned on. Actually, it was more like a dimmer switch. When expectantly lost my grandma something changed in me. It was so heartbreaking. I never thought of not having her in my life. One day she was just gone. I saw how some family members carried guilt from what I perceived as taking advantage. That will really fuck a person up. To never get the chance to say “Thank You” or “ I’m Sorry” will eat a person alive. I didn’t have that at all. I miss her like crazy but DAMN did we have some fun times. That really put things in perspective for me as how I wanted to live my life. For me losing my grandma helped to shape me in a positive way. If I had lost my grandpa first I would have been that person feeling guilty for making him pick me up around the corner from school because I was embarrassed of his truck or for all the times I complained about him taking over the TV and forcing us to watch C-SPAN. Losing her first helped me get my shit together.

My Grandparents

 The first New Years without her my Resolution was to keep moving forward. I think I must have got that idea from Oprah. It was the BEST.

 You know when you get that late night call/text from that one ex. It always makes you think back on those awesome times you had together and forget about the times he had you feeling like crap. Well with my resolution I wouldn’t even allow my brain to go there. I would shut it down before I even considered allowing myself to be someone’s “booty call”.  It was much more then that. I stopped holding a grudge. If I didn’t like you in the past I would leave it in the past. Slowly but surely I grew up.

 Now I’m a 31-year-old single woman. I have been focusing on crossing some things off my Bucket List and this blog is one.

 

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